i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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