just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
