Screwed.edu
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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