I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
