so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
