so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
