your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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