Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
