I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
