All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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