Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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