Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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