this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!