I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?