It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.