I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.