Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night