YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
