If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
