My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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