I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing