No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
