yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
