Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
