please come you make the beer taste better
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need to calm my uterus...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
