I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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