There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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