I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
