It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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