So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
