Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
