you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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