oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
