I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All I want is dick and wine.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
