I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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