And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
well you can't waste a boner
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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