I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
