is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
