At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
