I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
