just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
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I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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