Im at strip club and am horny
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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