No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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