He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
