idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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