Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She is in my trunk
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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