I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she peed on how many people?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
