OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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