I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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