Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
