So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
