i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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