Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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