U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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