I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
