You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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