he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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