Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
