How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
