She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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