a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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