I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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