yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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