my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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