I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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