did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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