I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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