I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
