just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
