i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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