You're so nebulous sometimes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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